To Whom It May Concern,
My birthday is next week. It's my magic birthday where I turn the number of years that my birth date. Namely, 24 on the 24th. As we approach this momentous occasion, I just wanted to give you perhaps some ideas on what you can get me for my birthday. I like gifts and I like providing people with opportunities to give. It's mutually beneficial, ya know.
I DO have a free option for you all. Go to Valspar.com. They are giving away 100 free samples EVERY DAY starting at 9am central. I don't know when it ends and it's only one per household. It is COMPLETELY FREE. Pick out your favorite color and then give it to me. :) Yup, I already got my sister to do it for me. And another sister said she would. And yet another sister said "Reed would want to keep it". Whateves. YOU SHOULD ALL GET ONE and look deep in your heart to make sure you don't want to hand it over to me.