Contrary to popular belief (hahahaha, I make myself laugh), I have problems. And this one I'm going to talk about is HUGE, people (not HUGE people which I had initially typed -- that is what arrow buttons are for). Like IN YOUR FACE PINK ELEPHANT kind of huge. And serious. Very serious.
Sometimes when I have a moment from Kaelyn (or even if Kaelyn is playing or reading all nice and quiet by herself), I don't know what to do.
I'll wait for you to stop laughing.
You other moms know what I'm talking about. You moms with multiple kids know more than I do what I'm talking about.
I have tons of things I should do and need to do and want to do and none of it sticks in my head when I have the time to do it. Most of the things I should and need to do are also things I want to do so it's not like I hate the stuff.
Oooh, ooh, and there's also the problem of knowing what I should and need to do and really wanting to do something else instead.
Like today. It was a gorgeous day yesterday and today. I kept escaping from Kaelyn to work outside. There's still wood all over our backyard because of that tree that fell down (so. much. wood.) so I worked with that a little bit. Then I was in the front yard (I still can't remember why) and noticed the prickly weeds (which I didn't touch at all last year) had flower buds. I for sure wasn't going to let those suckers flower this year so I pulled all of them up and any other weeds that got in my way. I discovered three bush stumps hidden among the greenery. That was yesterday. Today I had this huge huge huge itch to start cutting down the bushes out front. We want all four of them gone eventually. I made the mistake of telling Jared that's what I wanted to do. He wisely counseled (and very gently suggested) that maybe starting something else wasn't a good idea. I pouted (maybe) and slunk out back (maybe) to separate and pile up more wood from that blasted tree (did I mention it is a lot of wood????).
Maybe it is that I feel overwhelmed with how much I should/need/want to do that I just don't do any of it. But then when I do something, I feel so good about it and I wonder why I didn't want to do it in the first place. I dream and plan way more than I actually do.
I think the most likely reason is that I try to stay busy most of the day (Jared, stop laughing) with either Kaelyn or laundry
or reading my email or browsing Pinterest or washing dishes or my garden or whatever else I can do with Kaelyn around. Then when Kaelyn is asleep or with someone else, I take a breath and just.... don't do anything. Lately that's driven me to pick up a book -- good thing, but isn't there something else I could/should do?
There is probably a better way that I could be explaining this that is far less wordy (although, let's face it, nobody's reading this anymore) but it's 10pm and I'm feeling plagued by this conflicting feeling.